Thoughtful Speech

We’ve probably all said something in a hasty response that we later wished we could take back.  We do well to ask ourselves if we think before we speak.

You might be thinking of someone you know that you think does this often.  If you are thinking that, I remind you of Jesus’ words to those who wanted to stone the woman caught in adultery, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7).  It is better to first ask yourself if you do this.

We should ask ourselves why we rush to offer a response.  One possible reason is that someone has said or done something that makes us angry.  In our anger, we might be tempted to rush to respond.  When this is the case, we should ask ourselves if the anger is justified.  If it is, we then ask ourselves what a constructive response would be.  Yelling out angry words is seldom helpful.

Another possible situation that might lead us to a hasty response is when the topic is something we are an expert in.  I emphasize “are an expert in” because some people seem to think they are an expert in everything.  Nobody (except God!) is an expert in everything.  When we are expert in the topic at hand, we should still take time to listen.  Do we have all the details?  Is there something that makes this particular situation different than is typical?  Are there questions that we need to ask before we respond?

A third possible situation that we need to be very careful in is when our haste to respond is based on who said it.  If it is a person we often disagree with and/or dislike, we might rush to respond to what we disagree with without really listening to what the person is saying.  Remember, even if the person has been wrong repeatedly before, it doesn’t mean they are this time.  Even if they are wrong in this present situation, we still need to listen because they might have something important to offer.  We need to think before we speak.  Before we think, we need to listen.

First appearances are not always correct.  We need to listen and gather information.  The words we read in Isaiah 11:3, “not by appearance shall he judge, nor by hearsay shall he decide” can be words of caution to us.

We do well to ask the Holy Spirit to bestow his gifts upon us.  These gifts are listed in Isaiah 11:2,  “The spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him:  a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, A spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the Lord.”  Clearly, we need wisdom and understanding as we think.  I emphasize counsel to remind us that even when we are experts in something, meaning we have knowledge and understanding of the topic, we still need to use the gift of counsel to make good decision.  When we have made a decision and determine what God wants said or done is not easy, we need to ask the Holy Spirit for strength (aka courage or fortitude).

A first step in good counsel is to realize that we don’t have to always say something just because someone else did.  When we embrace the gifts of the Holy Spirit and are thoughtful about any response, we find ourselves bearing the fruits of the Holy Spirit that Paul speaks of in Galatians 5:22-23, “In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

Patience does not always come easily.  When we are considering an immediate response, we can take a deep breath and ask for the grace to take the time to think before we speak.  The words of

Proverbs 15:28, “The heart of the just ponders a response, but the mouth of the wicked spews evil,” call for a moment to ponder.   

Why take a moment to ponder?  Because if we don’t, we may suffer for it.  We read in Proverbs 29:20, “Do you see someone hasty in speech? There is more hope for a fool!”

So, let us heed the words of Wisdom 7:7, “Therefore I prayed, and prudence was given me; I pleaded and the spirit of Wisdom came to me.”

Prudence is one of the four cardinal virtues along with fortitude (courage), temperance, and justice.  Practicing the cardinal virtue of temperance should help us remember that even if we feel called to offer a response, moderation in the number of words can be virtuous. 

When asking the Lord what He wants us to say or do, we do well to consider the Eighth Commandment, “You Shall Not Bear False Witness Against Your Neighbor” (Exodus 20:16, Deuteronomy 5:20.  Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2464-2513).  When we are responding to someone who we often disagree with, we might be in a rush to discredit what they say.  We need to remember what we read in paragraph 2464 of the Catechism, “The eighth commandment forbids misrepresenting the truth in our relations with others.”  We need to be honest in what we say, remember the words of St. Thomas Aquinas found in paragraph 2469 of the Catechism, “Men could not live with one another if there were not mutual confidence that they were being truthful to one another” (from St. Thomas Aquinas, STh II-II, 109, 3 ad 1.).

Recalling the fruits of the Holy Spirit, as disciples of Jesus, we should want all our responses to show love, kindness, and gentleness.  That means that no matter what another person says or does, we need to heed the words from 1 Peter 2:1, “Rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, insincerity, envy, and all slander” (repeated in paragraph 2475 of the Catechism).

It is when bear these fruits of the Holy Spirit that we bear witness to the words in Proverbs 16:23, “The heart of the wise makes for eloquent speech, and increases the learning on their lips.”

In everything we say and do, we need to treat others with dignity.  Here, paragraph 2477 of the Catechism offers, “Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty: — of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor; — of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.”

The Catechism offers us words of caution in paragraph 2481 “Boasting or bragging is an offense against truth. So is irony aimed at disparaging someone by maliciously caricaturing some aspect of his behavior.”  The words we choose to say should never be based on a desire to discredit another person or to make ourselves look good.

We should also not forget the Fifth Commandment – “You Shall Not Kill.”  (Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 5:17,  Catechism, 2258-2230).  What does killing have to do with any words we might say in response?  Words may not physically kill the person but they can kill the person’s reputation.  When we are the expert and/or the one in a position of authority, we need to remember the words of the Catechism in paragraph 2287, “Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged.”

If we fail to show prudence in what we say, we may perish as spoken of in Baruch 3:28, “They perished for lack of prudence, perished through their own folly.”

When we act prudently, we put into action the words from Psalm 39:2, “I said, “I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will keep a muzzle on my mouth.”  It is better that we let the Lord speak through us (2 Samuel 23:2) so that our “tongue will sing joyfully of your justice” (Psalm 51:16).

When another person is wrong, we need to offer the Third Spiritual Work of Mercy, “Admonish the Sinner.”  However, it is not mercy to do so with vengeance or hate.  We need to do so in accord with the words of 2 Thessalonians 3:15, “Do not regard him as an enemy but admonish him as a brother.”  Our goal should never be condemnation.  Our goal should be their salvation (John 8:11).

We need to be people of virtue and good character.  We need to always be people of integrity.

There is one other spiritual work of mercy we need to offer in our responses.  It is the Seventh Spiritual Work of Mercy.  We must pray for them.

Peace,

Fr. Jeff