The Importance of Building Relationships

Last week I wrote about the escalating conflict between Hamas and Israel. Since then, the fighting has continued with many people injured or killed. It looks like Israel is preparing to go into Gaza with ground troops. Clearly the situation is not good. Clearly, Israel and Hamas do not have a working relationship.

It is relationships that I would like to talk about today. If the relationships between people were different in the Middle East, would they be facing the present conflict? I know it can seem impossible to having a working relationship with an organization like Hamas. Here, I ask the question would there even be a Hamas organization if there were better relationships between the people in the Middle East?

Relationships are not easy when there are ideological differences. In the Middle East, there are different religions and different ethnicities that lay claim to the land. While there are differences, there is opportunity for dialogue.

We cannot be like gangs claiming their turf who, if a rival gang enters their turf, immediately physically strike. We must respect each person, regardless of their religion, ethnicity, or any other person. This is not to say we must agree with them. I said we must respect them. Without respect, how are we to dialogue?

Dialogue is not always about getting our way. Dialogue can help us understand one another’s perspective. When we have some understanding of their perspective, then we can better dialogue, incorporating their concerns into what we do while holding fast to God’s Will.

Differences and divisions between people are nothing new. At the time of Jesus’ incarnation, there was deep divisions between the Jews and the Samaritans. As a Jew, did Jesus refuse to interact with the Samaritans? No. When He encountered the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4), He dialogued with her. Through the dialogue she came to believe that He is the Messiah. From her own coming to faith in Jesus, many others in her Samaritan village also came to believe in Jesus. Their conversion started with genuine dialogue.

Dialogue is not just a problem in the Middle East. We see increasing polarization between different groups in our own country. We see it in our political system. I don’t like to talk about politics here but for anyone who follows the news, the divide between political parties in our nation is obvious. It is hurting our country. Each side is sure they are right and I am not sure there is any real dialogue. Everyone is talking. Is anyone listening? (In my article, “Seeking Real Dialogue,“ I reflect on what Pope Francis says about dialogue in Fratelli Tutti.)

Now, the truth is determined by God. We cannot change the truth but through dialogue we can come to a better understanding of the perspective of others. We ask the Holy Spirit to give us the words to respond to the differences in a way that leads us all closer to God’s Will, to hold to God’s Truth while respecting all people. Our relationship with other people is important. However, our most important relationship is with God.

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) offers some tools for dialogue on the website civilizeit.org including a handout called “Skills for Dialogue.” We need to cultivate the soil for dialogue. We need to be willing to listen.

The need for dialogue is not just something for politics and international relationships. It is something needed within our church. Pope Francis is very pro-dialogue. Unfortunately, this is interrupted by many as a call for change in church teaching. The current synod in Rome is to promote dialogue but many see it as an opportunity to change church teaching. Genuine dialogue can help us better understand church teaching and how it applies in our lives today. However, it does not change what God has always taught. The synod is not an opportunity for those who want change to get their way (see Catholic News Agency’s article, “‘Not much new’ will come out of this year’s synod, Vatican’s doctrine chief predicts”).

I’ve seen the following quote from the Preparatory Document for the synod a couple of times recently. ‘We recall that the purpose of the Synod, and therefore of this consultation, is not to produce documents, but “to plant dreams, draw forth prophecies and visions, allow hope to flourish, inspire trust, bind up wounds, weave together relationships, awaken a dawn of hope, learn from one another and create a bright resourcefulness that will enlighten minds, warm hearts, give strength to our hands.” ‘(paragraph 32 with original quote from Pope Francis’ Address at the Opening of the Synod of Bishops on Young People (3 October 2018).)

Those who want change may see the synod as an opportunity to plant their dreams. We need to listen. However, that doesn’t change doctrine. Here I turn to St. Pope Paul VI’s words in paragraph 63 of Evaneglii Nuntiandi, “Evangelization loses much of its force and effectiveness if it does not take into consideration the actual people to whom it is addresses, if it does not use their language, their signs and symbols, if it does not answer the questions they ask, and if it does not have an impact on their concrete life. But on the other hand, evangelization risks losing its power and disappearing altogether if one empties or adulterates its content under the pretext of translating it.” (my emphasis). Yes, we need to dialogue. We also need to hold to what God has always taught.

We ask the Holy Spirit to help us listen to others while holding to God’s Truth. We ask God to help us have good relationships with others while holding to our relationship with God as what is most important. The world does not determine our faith. Our faith must shape the world.

Peace,

Fr. Jeff