Getting the Most Out of Confession

Last week the Diocese of Rochester held its annual priest/parish administrator convocation.  Among the topics covered by the speakers was the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the lack of full understanding of the Sacrament.  From that and my own further reflection I would like to offer the following to help you to appreciate all that the Sacrament of Reconciliation offers.  This article only discusses certain aspects of the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  For a discussion of the Sacrament of Reconciliation as a whole, please see my Sacrament of Reconciliation page.

When we confess our sins in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we are called to confess all mortal sins in kind and number.  What does this mean?

In “kind” means all the different types of sin.  I emphasis all because there has been a mistaken notion that we can just confess one or two mortal sins or just the ones that bother us the most or “are on our mind.” 

The reason we are called to confess all mortal sins is that we need to give it all to God.  We need to be forgiven and reconciled for all our mortal sins, not just the ones that bother us the most.  We should not shorten our confession to one or two sins for the sake of time.  We need to give it all to God.

My emphasis of “and” is part of where people’s general understanding of the whole effect of the Sacrament of Reconciliation may be lacking.  This Sacrament has been typically called Confession.  The confession of our sins is an essential element of the Sacrament but is more than just our confession.  Of course, we confess our sins because we seek forgiveness.  Jesus has paid the price for our sins.  God is eager to forgive us.  Yet, God does more than just forgive us in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  Our mortal sins have broken our relationship with God.  In the Sacrament of Reconciliation, God not only forgives us.  He reconciles us, meaning He restores our relationship with him.  It is like the prodigal son who broke his relationship with his father when he left with his inheritance.  When he returned, he did not expect to be treated as a son because he knew he had broken his relationship with his father.  Yet, in love, his father restores him to his place as his son (see Luke 15:11-32).

If we want to be forgiven, we need to confess all our sins.  We cannot receive forgiveness for those sins we are conscious of if we fail to speak them out loud to admit what we have done and to show our sorrow.  (If we have made a thorough examination of conscience, and forget a sin, God still forgives us based on the sorrow in our heart). 

When we confess our sins, we are called to give a number to signify how often we have committed the sin.  Does it matter?  Yes.  You can think of it this way.  Did you have a weak moment when you sinned or is the sin a habitual problem?  If we go to confession once in three months and say we committed a particular sin once, it may be a weak moment.  Even once is too often to sin but it is different than if we have committed the same sin everyday.  In confessing the number of times we have sinned, we admit the extent of our struggle with the sin.

So, we know God offers us forgiveness and reconciliation in this Sacrament.  There is more.  He offers us grace, grace that strengthens us to “go and sin no more” (John 8:11).  Confident in God’s Divine Mercy offered from his Sacred Heart, we know that God does not condemn us (see John 3:16-17).  He forgives us and gives us grace to resist temptation.  This is why we pray in the Act of Contrition, “I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid the occasions of sin.” 

So, in addition to forgiveness and reconciliation, God offers us the grace we need for conversion.  In our human weakness, we may sin again.  That does not mean we are not trying to undergo conversion.  As Jesus says, “Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41). 

Do we always change?  No.

This does not mean the Sacrament was not valid.  Sometimes we do everything right in the Sacrament but we struggle to change.  The Sacrament is valid.  We are forgiven if we have confessed all our mortal sins. Yet, we struggle to change.   The Sacrament does not bear fruit in the way we hope it does.  What are we to do when we sin again?  We need to once again ask for God’s forgiveness.  If we are truly sorry for our sins, God will keep forgiving us over and over and…(see Matthew 18:21-22).

This leads to the question, “how often should I go to Confession.”  The correct answer to this question is found in another question, “how often do you commit mortal sin.”  When we know we have committed mortal sin, the time to go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation is now.  Sometimes that means once a week.  At other times, it might be a couple of months.  We should regularly review our lives to ask ourselves if we have sinned.  If we go any length of time without awareness of sin, we should make a thorough examination of conscience to make sure we failed to realize a sin we committed.  If we find we have sinned, it is time to ask God for forgiveness, reconciliation, and grace.

Some people ask about the distinction between venial (lesser) sin and mortal sin.  There is not always a black and white distinction.  The best advice is when in doubt, confess all sin, venial and mortal.

The desire to distinguish venial and mortal sin is important but can be erroneously used to downplay our venial sins.  One might think venial sin is not so bad.  That is correct but we still need to do our best to stop committing even venial sin.  No sin is good.  We do well to ask God to help us realize our venial sins (splinters) as well our mortal sins (the wooden beams in our own eyes, see Matthew 7:3).

We struggle with sin.  With God, there is always hope.  Conversion is a lifelong process.  When battling temptation, God asks us to do our best to avoid the occasions of sin and to let him do the rest.  Give your sins wholeheartedly to God and He will give you forgiveness, reconciliation, and grace to sin no more.

Peace,

Fr. Jeff